...

For the past few years I've been suffering in silence but now feels like a safe time to come out...

The hair around my nipples is concerningly long.

Everywhere else around my chest is clean as a baby's bottom but for some reason there's this ring of eyelash type hairs around both of my nipples that's like an inch and a half long. Now that I just mentioned measurements I'm inspired to actually measure the things so give me a moment...

Dude. 

I just measured the longest of the bunch and it just barely reached 3 inches. If I had three arms I'd take a picture but I had to hold the thing taut against a tape measurer. I'm sure there's probably someone out there with longer nipple hairs so that picture would just be for proving to myself rather than Guiness. If I wanted to win a Guiness I'd just pick the most absurdly specific field I could possibly imagine and try my best throughout the whole ordeal to forget that I'm striving to impress a zombified cultural staple. Something like 'World's largest painting of a smiling clown using a paint brush comprised of human hair while standing on one leg throughout the entire process' would probably do the trick. Anyways, back to the nipple hairs...

If I divvied up the length of all of my nipple hairs combined and divided them by normal chest hair length, would I have the standard equivalent of hair on my chest? Perhaps if that were actually the case then that would confirm my suspicions that all of my chest hair goes to my nipples. Does nipple hair still count as chest hair?