So far my 21st birthday's going swimmingly. I haven't drank a drop because there's never alcohol in the house and I don't really feel like pulling money out of the bank. Haven't even had the opportunity to relax with some recreational weed since I've got a drug test coming up in just over a week. I also ate a whole parfait cup of strawberry shortcake and had an intense bout of diarrhea right after. At least now I get to relax with some, uh, Dominos pizza. Is this purgatory?