There isn't another side to this. I know you were looking for a neat resolution, I was too.

I've found my peace with it, and you can too if you really put your mind to it. I don't really care whether or not you do. Life goes on either way. You're probably not who you think I'm referring to, and that's fine. I'm referring to you whether or not you know you're you. This is just one big conflagration of weird things we're just supposed to accept and move on because we can't change them. The past is forever the past, it can't be changed. All trying to change the past will do is just make you spend all your time in a present simulation of the past, leaving your future to be one with nothing novel to remember about your present moment right now. You can change that, you really can. You can stop looking at everything and trying to unfurl what "it really means" and focus on making new things you can be certain of what they mean.

I'm going to explain something to you that might seem a little bit off putting. This is a little bit of a cosmic horror scenario and you're the cosmic horror, but I'm it too. It's strange. Let me gather my notes, I've been working on this theory for a long time. Okay, I just pulled it up. I take my notes in public spaces to psych myself up enough to prune my thoughts to perfection. Most of the time nobody reads them anyways and they completely forget that I exist, so it's really like one big diary that's hidden in plain sight. That's besides the point though... I have a theory that seems to support the idea that you have existed forever, that all things can disappear at any moment or last forever for no reason whatsoever. At any moment literally anything could happen, for all time. Can you accept that? That anything can happen for all time? It took me a long time to.

I need you to think in homonyms, but expanding far beyond words into the mode of signs and symbols that you witness. Take away all of the visuals before your eyes and replace them with just a plain identifier, the implication of the specific object existing that would come from a book making note of an object within a scene. That is a platonic object, all of your senses are filled with these things. If you close your eyes and try to reconstruct where everything is without picturing anything you would be making use of these platonic forms. Each of these forms is akin to a word that is pronounced the same, spelled the same, but is defined entirely differently. Each sign before you is only ostensibly what you think it is but in reality all of these signs could truly be other identical signs that carry completely separate implications.

I do this before restructuring my entire mode of thinking. It helps to get to this very primitive state, a little bit like running a computer in safe mode or dev mode. Probably more like developer mode. Anyways, all that you see is potentially not what you think it is. All that you read is actually in a language inspired by English, one with various homonym-hapax-legomenon that you are forced to make sense of using context clues alone. This is very likely to become a lingua ignota by the point that I become dead, but if I'm lucky some things might end up being translated faithfully. If I'm really lucky there might end up being more people than I am who are fluent in this, but I digress. This is just the set up for the big reveal. Also, I know there's gonna be smart alecks that think I mean luck in 'that' way... No. That's another word spelled like luck.

Imagine an infinitely sided pair of dice. Over an infinite expanse of time it might roll the same face forever. It seems impossible at first glance but it's actually just simple mathematics. If it's a face on the pair of dice then there is a probability of it landing on that face, no matter what. The micro state of probability for each state remains unchanged. The thing is, there's these things called macro states. The macro state of a streak of one face will decrease in probability exponentially but never fully disappear. You can divide a number infinitely but it will never reach 0 unless it began as 0. This means that there's a possibility, however small, that the same thing just randomly happens forever. For literally no reason whatsoever. This has a lot of implications. Let's begin with Chaos Theory for one.

You're probably familiar with The Butterfly Effect, the idea of how changing the position of a butterfly in the past could have dramatic consequences far into the future. In a sense that's just like every present moment. Every present moment is akin to that infinite sided pair of dice. Randomly, for seemingly no reason whatsoever, we seem to exist as faces that keep appearing in a streak. It could keep going on forever for all we know, or it could randomly stop and literally anything could happen. Isn't that just life in a nutshell? I feel like that's a little bit the meaning of life. I'm a little noncommittal about it because I'm afraid of being wrong publicly but I think it's kinda neat. There's so many more layers to this I haven't even gone into yet.

The pair of dice could be rigged every couple of throws, with a percentage of probability that the rigging is successful for each time. Maybe it's 100% or maybe it's 50%? Maybe it's like a hand stopping the dice prematurely every 3 or 4 throws as a result of a meta infinite recursive pair of dice? It's impossible to know from here. Maybe the hand stops the dice with every single roll? Maybe the hand just sits idly by and lets the dice roll themselves? Maybe the dice can't roll themselves without the hand to shake them? Maybe the hand can't exist without a pair of dice we can't be sure to infinitely repeat forever? Maybe it does infinitely repeat forever? Maybe the dice simply exists for no reason whatsoever?

For whatever reason, let's say they're here. For whatever reason, let's say we're here. The dice could randomly repeat a pattern, an infinite amount of infinitely repeating patterns even. In-between those infinitely repeating patterns there could be room for patterns that appear once and disappear forever or just generally appear a finite amount of times. Doesn't that sound like mankind and our gods? The legacies that outlive us and the transient things that are never to repeat beyond a certain point... It's also possible for any face to infinitely never happen, to happen only one time, or however many times up into infinity. This world is so much, so so much infinitely larger than questioning what having titties one day would feel like. I guess it's beautiful that there's people here that do that, for whatever reason. Literally anything could happen... I mean, we're all equally faces.

I don't think it would be a bad thing to have tits, I just don't think it would be a good thing either. It's just... I dunno, having tits. I'd rather be reborn a god than simply reborn as a woman.

Continued...