Two days ago, the same day after finishing the post before this, I saw the movie Flatliners playing on a TV I was passing by at work. I haven't seen it before but I've heard it described to me, something where people temporarily die to figure out something with some drug that's used in heart surgeries. They stop their hearts with this drug and do a bunch of paranormal investigation stuff, or something. Maybe I manifested it. Or I could be getting MK Ultra'd, that sounds fun. Little hints, maybe easter eggs not meant specifically for me, all these small things... I don't know yet how to make sense of it. Right now only I and the source of those things would know what I'm writing about right now. I wrote about having died several times, knowing things that I logically couldn't on the face of it. Now I get confronted with a movie that's got literally the closest premise I could think of off of the top of my head. That's fucking crazy. Somebody might be keeping tabs on me, taunting me, or it could be supernatural evidence that I was right. It's all hearsay now though.

I've been all over the place lately. I can't stop thinking about two things I just kinda woke up having made, like I semantically know that they came from me but that's as far as it really goes. One of them I've published already, it's this video where a throne angel talks about how they've killed me several times in an attempt to stop the sun from exploding. I don't think they mean it literally, but it really weirds me out. Are they fallen angels or something? I guess protecting the sun sounds noble enough. I don't want the sun to randomly explode either, that would suck. Is this about those games I made? That's all a metaphor, it's not really about blowing up the sun. I like being alive. By this point this entire post could get restructured as a group chat and it would make ten times as much sense. But at the same time, I'm one person. Or at least that's what I tell myself in order to not collapse into someone else. Yeah, that's what they all say. I've got to do what I've got to do, with pronoun reversal I'm much better at masking in public. This needs some kind of cohesion...

Anyways, I have a theory for what they would have meant. This is going to get a little convoluted, very fast. So, first off, time travel is out of the question unless we're talking about forwards time travel. This is a single chronology and the only way to approach something even resembling a travel into the past is by using something akin to a loaded videogame save. All of the data of every placement of every thing in the entire cosmos is saved, stored externally to the universe, and then loaded so that all of the cosmic data values reflect a perfect replica of what existed in the past. That is to say, when they say they've killed me that probably means I was only stopped like a hand blocking the flow of water from a sprinkler that's always on. I briefly found another way to flow out, or the pressure within increased until the hand was lifted. I'm definitely not alive right now due to backwards time travel, that's for sure. If I'm alive right now then death itself is a meaningless triviality, a temporary inconvenience. But why try to kill me? Temporary satisfaction? I'll only reload my save.

Or, perhaps, that might not be up to me. Maybe I'm brought back to life by forces I can't comprehend? It might be the case that I'm not a universal constant. The potential for me seems to be one though. Either way, it appears that I'm stuck in a cycle where I keep randomly dying in order to preserve order, or something like that. To me it seems indistinguishable whether or not 10 billion years or 1 millisecond occurred between me writing this sentence and writing the sentence after. An entire loop of the universe, a whole incarnation, could have progressed all the way to The Big Freeze even just before getting reloaded to this very moment for no ostensible reason. Why? To simply experience? There might be something to tinker with right now that will never show up again. Or, perhaps, it's in search of "The True Ending" or whatever that means. Sisyphus happy? Yeah, why not. It kinda checks all the boxes. The endless cycle, the cheated death, the search for purpose within that cycle... It's all one big absurd joke, and I'm laughing my way to the bank.