Usually they don't outright tell people over there that they don't have the right to die, they just get offered coping mechanisms to stave their minds from thoughts of death. I applied there a few years ago because I heard that Thom Yorke was a housekeeper at a mental health place before Radiohead got big. My dad's been a tech working at psych hospitals about as long as I can remember, so he set me up with an interview as soon as I was old enough to join the place. I never got a driver's license, it was the closest place I could get consistent hours. I never really had much of a choice, it was all there was.
Something tells me my dad urged me to work there as some kind of twisted parental drive to keep me as safe and close as possible. While I'm in there it's practically impossible for me to use anything to end my life, and I'd feel like a hypocrite if I did... It's the perfect crime if you think about it. My life hasn't been sunshine and roses, I've tried to kill myself a handful of times already. College wasn't in the cards, I wanted to play music or sell my art... at least back when I was young and pretty enough that people still felt compelled to pretend to care. I skipped class and only went for an A if it sounded funny.
When I graduated high-school there just wasn't anything left. I wasn't naturally in a space where people had to come to me, I suddenly had to seek people out with zero practice for it. People started coming over to smoke weed because it was a safe place to smoke weed, we'd jam out and waste our time. I had a girlfriend, a band, we were telling ourselves we'd schedule a show to play any minute now, and I really wanted to kill myself. Next moment it just hits me that, best outcome, I have to network for the rest of my life. I hate that shit, that still sounds like hell. Everybody went their separate ways and I was alone.
On the upside I made things I'm proud of, things I never would have gotten away with making if I hadn't have pushed everyone away. All the hustle and bustle made it impossible for me to think clearly. Downside is that whenever I was feeling low there was nobody around to keep me from acting on ambition. I acted on ambition in a variety of good ways, but when it came to a few crucial moments all there was to stop me was myself. I was either going to make absolute crap that everyone was there for, or stuff that I've never seen or heard... stuff that nobody else will see or hear. That shit absolutely wrecked me.
I consider myself a failed failure, in retrospect. It feels soulless and corporate to call someone failed just because they weren't able to turn a profit. If I started with a bunch of money and a manager to handle connections then I would have gone places, but I refuse to make things for money and to waste time talking instead of making. It is what it is. That makes these things impossible to imagine except behind the veil of death for me, the idea of waking up in a perfect scenario. I wake up as a goddess, and there's a universe as a sandbox I can fiddle with for eternity. Everything's awesome, there's no catch or downside.
I get to run a simulation of a life that's gone absolutely perfectly, sculpted like a tool assisted speedrun or an animation. I play through it as the protagonist, experiencing everything as though it's the first time. As though I'm deciding things in real time rather than seeing the decisions I made long ago. Even the process of making these simulations is exquisite, with boundless curiosity for endless experiences to have. Why wouldn't I go for that the first chance I could get? Sure everyone I'd see would be me, advaita style, but there would be no way for me to tell unless I decided long ago that it would be fun to see what knowing right now would do.
I think that the reason is that I'd be here because I'm fulfilling curiosity. I'm curious how I get there, what each decision really means by the end of it. What's inconsequential? What's funny in retrospect? Maybe one day I was told a joke that I didn't find funny, then they told me "You just had to be there." and I got curious... If that's the case then I guess some parts are pretty funny. When I randomly see the number two pop up I get to have a little moment to myself, so that's nice. Either way I bring a smile to my face when I imagine telling them the joke was still shit.