...

I barely know what's reality by this point. I'm doing the best that I can.

I don't think I can consent to just about anything. I'm just enjoying the spoils I get from agreeing to things that I couldn't have possibly understood. On the face of it, I don't have much context for anything. I don't know what most of these things mean. I poke one thing, and another thing happens. My life's one big blackout bender from start to finish, except I didn't have drugs or alcohol for 60% of it.

Come time for the afterlife I'm pretty confident God's going to be reasonable with everything that I did, with how little there is that actually makes sense to me. If my version of religion where everything works out happens to be the case, then everything's going to work out. Why judge relative to what I didn't think was going to happen? That's just plain silly.

I personally vote for an afterlife where I get to be a chaos god, up to some Loki-like mischief. Something that reframes my entire life as a human as something that was all one big prank on my part, just another part of random cosmic antics. One big experiment to see how many people will imagine me burning in hell for kissing a boy, or wearing a dress, or having a foursome high on drugs.

Something where I bait a lot of people into looking silly, just so I get to watch with a bag of popcorn all the nasty dreams they have in store for me. Like a niche speedrun challenge with a % next to it but from the NPC's perspective, a speedrun to piss off The Bible Belt in the shortest time possible. I might have even said things that are completely true in my life, just because it was a funny moment to do that.

Empedocles once said that all of us have to live around 10,000 years before returning to Mt. Olympus as gods. It seems he considered life to be like a prison sentence, and maybe he thought that he'd wake up as a god after jumping into a volcano. I wonder what he thought he did as a god, what was worthy of being born and dying over and over again in near complete confusion.

These types of things scare me away from having kids. It has me worrying that if I bring a child into this world without any consent on their part then the natural karmic response is that I'll get born again. But that could just be part of the cosmic joke, to pipeline all the karma evangelicals into Antinatalism. All the karma believers going extinct, with karma not existing to begin with.

All kinds of people who think they're going to wake up as gods, expediting their deaths in expectation. All kinds of people who think they're going straight into moksha, cutting their legacies completely short. I'm just doing my best to expect nothing, trying to be random enough that others quit being confident in their best guesses. It's all good natured mischief, I don't really want to hurt anyone.