...

I've been sick for a week straight, plus I think my boss is mad at me for how much I sit around. Not sure I'm going to have this job for long... I'd really like to just shove this work life stuff under the rug, write only the kind of stuff that makes me dream of being a renowned philosopher one day, but that's hopeless right now.

Here's some Tarot reading ChatGPT did for today.

It'd be awesome if I could dissociate all this into an ARG, tell some crazy story with all the skills I've gathered, but that's hopeless too. I work a full time job, it's a dead end. I've got a kratom dependency and a host of mental problems, plus some physical ones too. I heard about a study one time that said that I work more hours on average than a medieval serf, that even my supervisor does too. I look at things that are too much and I shut down, it's too much to process.

I've just been caught up, left and right, meditating on the root of all suffering. I see liars and cheats make it out of the rat race, the kind characters dying first in every horror movie I see, and it really makes me wonder if the name of the game is making the suffering efficient. Kind people often fight suffering, they see it and they try to act against it. Liars and cheats make it easier to suffer, and then they get an easier break from suffering as a whole. At least it looks like that right now...

I really do wonder if we're already in Hell sometimes. It'd be a Hell where the demons outsource their torturing to humans on other humans, thinking they're getting something out of it. Like part of the torture of some people is the looking at these other people as though they're less miserable, when actually they're just as miserable in different ways. There's really no way around it, we all have to suffer for some time. What makes me not think Hell is that I don't see it as a punishment, and it might not be eternal.

But that's the tricky thing about The Hell Spirit, because it will do whatever it can to take your energy and fuel its aggregate. It's going to take everything you might use to fight it, and because you're thinking of it at all, it'll use its power to take from you while it's there. And that's why I just cut Hell's balls off. Fuck you Hell. You're not going to say that I'm here because I don't see it as a punishment YET, and you're not going to say that it's more hellish from the hope of AN END ON THE HORIZON.

Zoroaster, kindly stick those fires up your ass. I know who you are, you ancient Persian aggregate that's cleverly disguised as Christian. Yeshu never once mentioned Hell. That came from The Persians many years after his death. Zoroaster, you never once mentioned Angra Mainyu. You mentioned an absence of Ahura Mazda, a lack of syncronicity with the way things are that may cause dissonance, and then They came... They named that gap Angra Mainyu, put words in your mouth, and gave birth to Zoroaster who brought fire to Abraham.

Hell is a eunuch!

May Hell never spread its sorrowful seed ever again. May the Duality of Light and Dark, Good and Evil, meet its maker. May all go with the flow one day - chilling, doing what they enjoy, and enjoying doing good. May Zoroaster give way to Zoroaster, may Jesus give way to Jesus... may - Man, I just want to relax. If everybody already has enough, all they need, then there's a lot of morbid things to take away. Do the starving need death? Are the kind to die first because they belong in a more pure world than this? It's really difficult to say.

I like seeing kind people. If there was some kind of proof that they should all die first then all the kind people in my life might kill themselves. All the unkind people would go around killing eachother, and then we'd be left with an Antinatal Apocalypse. I think that's why I'm leaning more toward everything being universally meaningless; oneness with acts of Love made for no reason other than themselves. Chair means chair, Earth means Earth, and Suffering means Suffering. In a way that also means that Life means love.

I'm excited to play a game when I get home. It's this game where I walk around the carpet in my living room and try to keep my balance with everything that's already in my path. Sometimes they call it "The Tile Game"