I can only speculate as to what is actually going on. You'd be hard pressed hearing me talk about this to anyone other than myself because I'm certain that everyone I am in active contact with is in on it somehow and it would be really awkward if I mentioned it. 

There were a fair few times in my life I was convinced entirely that I was already dead somehow and in a purgatory to live out my days in a world constructed to make me feel mediocre. I often hear subtle noises throughout my house that are uncannily on cue with times that I do things that feel mildly noteworthy. The list goes rather extensively long and I've found myself being pavlovian conditioned to feel or react certain ways to certain sounds because of how I hear them. I'm nervous that if I write them out explicitly I'll hear the sounds change in how they are used which would immediately confirm my worst suspicions. 

One time when I was 19 my older brother came to town to play an acoustic show where I left to attempt suicide at my house while he was covering 'Jeremy' by Pearl Jam, unintentionally re-enacting the 'I'll Be Watching You' scene from Maniac. I was in the midst of a nervous breakdown (that wasn't the one though) where I was trying my best to convince myself I was forgetful enough that I could forget all the strange occurances I was experiencing at will. I convinced myself that because I couldn't remember the name of my grandmother's cat I might have had early-onset dementia so the plan backfired because the notion made me really want to kill myself as soon as possible. I snapped a shaving razor in half and tried using one of those three or so tiny blades to slit my wrist long-ways but it couldn't make it to the vein after a few minutes of trying in the shower. I'm lucky I was such a dumbass with how I went about it.

The next time that my older brother came to town to play a show it was right as my family decided to head back to the house when he started playing 'Jeremy' and my dad asked me if I remembered the name of my grandmother's cat off the top of my head. I only ever told my older brother about the cat thing. 

Anyways, the cat's name is Clancy.