It all started two years ago at a catalyst event which resulted in me quite frankly experiencing life as GoPro footage streamed directly to my brain without the lack of depth perception. I tried a lot of things to no avail in an attempt to find the panacea to this condition and thought "Maybe I just so happened to be trans?" I did a lot of mental gymnastics for around a two to three month period to prime myself for a big change like thinking of that one time I fantasized waking up as the opposite gender in gym class when I was in 7th grade. Small moments like that peppered throughout my life suddenly felt a lot more cosmic because I saw it potentially as a way to solve all of my problems. I put on makeup, thought up a gender neutral name, started toying with pronouns...and after all that I still felt like shit. 

Now don't get me wrong I'm still all trans rights but since I'm all thumbs about this kind of stuff I figure I might as well make it explicitly clear here before I make an allegory. To be honest I felt like I'd just sunk a lot of time into an MLM that very well could have isolated me entirely like someone shilling 200 knives they got in bulk and don't know what else to do with. I came out of the experience a more learned person so I don't entirely regret toying with the boundaries of that stuff but I can also see how I might have ended up sinking money into it still convinced it would help me not feel like I'm waking up to a screen every morning. I can see just as clear an argument for there being opportunistic pink capitalists preying on the mentally ill by dangling a potential panacea in front of them like a carrot on a stick because it means more money as I see the truest examples of what it means to be a well adjusted trans person so I feel a very instilled double-think to such a volatile issue that feels as though it could be exploited for monetary gain quite easily. This stuff is why I think that there shouldn't be as much gatekeeping because it feels asinine to require someone get the equivalent to a nose job to be accepted into a club of people since validation is a drug in and of itself. 

Anyways, after that brief little experiment where I went under a new name that two people used I just came out of it more confused because I still felt like I was looking at a live feed of GoPro footage wherever I went. It's honestly quite a lot like the intro to the movie Enter The Void except (again) there's depth perception to it all. I came to a relatively satisfying conclusion that I'm just a person who does people things who happens to have one of many potential types of appendages. Does that mean I personally give two shits about pronouns now or explicit fancy descriptors like nonbinary? Nahh. That all can be in everyone else's headcanons for all I care. 

(Disclaimer: When I was referring to pronouns and descriptors like nonbinary I was referring directly to their usage in reference to me, not generally as an idea. I personally don't like to compartmentalize myself for various reasons but that is my slice of the pie and not yours.)